Its been a long time, a very long time since I’ve come back to this blog. You all know why I use this blog for, guess I call it my place to write things without forcing myself to stop writing and erase all the emoness.
It’s been the second day since I’ve wanted to scream and cry, but can I? People are all around me whenever I feel pissed and I don’t like to show my emotions in front of people. Privacy, unable to be myself is killing me everyday.
Pressure has been put on me whenever I see you, and it accumulates within me. I ask for understanding, I ask for time but we all know that our relationship is at stake, baby…I sometimes wonder if have an idea about my situation, where me too, I cannot find understanding. You sound like you weren’t complaining, but each of your words pierce my heart like no one can. Maybe I’m not the same as any boyfriend, I have a family behind me and I have responsibilities to keep. It’s not easy for me to find the way where my family would be happy and that you’ll be happy as well. So I told my sister how I felt about this situation and that my relationship is at stake, asking for compassion. I sometimes only hopes for more understanding for her part and all she does is scream at me.
Sister..things changes, why can’t we just help each other, find solutions?
I have practically no friends I can tell this to, and I find that forcing all this within me without able to talk to another one is difficult. Maybe me too, I just want someone to listen to me and hear me out, because I feel like exploding.
Yes, I cried, I cried in front of my sister, sister’s boyfriend, my mom. I cried with tears, with my eyes closed and no sound coming from my mouth. It’s tears of how difficult it is now to cope with this. If I do not love you as much as I do, I wouldn’t be this way. I really want to ask someone for a helping hand…
I cannot be irresponsible toward my family and yet I know we can no longer cope with this, we have no more privacy and time we spend with each other is getting shorter and shorter. What should I do?
